Support following accident overwhelms family
[ APRIL 26, 2010 - KARA KINNA ]
The outpouring of support for Matt Wilkie’s family has been so overwhelming that it has surprised even those who were closest to him.
“We have had our ups and downs, and we have had our moments, and there are certain things we have to do at this time that are not pleasant,” said Matt’s mother Norma last week. “But we have found great comfort in seeing the impact that he has had... I don’t think even we realized how much of an impact he has had on the community and the surrounding communities.”
Matthew Wilkie, 20, was killed early in the morning on Saturday, April 17 when the car he was driving crossed into the opposite lane just south of Whitewood on Highway 9, colliding with a semi. Although RCMP have not released an official cause for the accident, it is suspected that Wilkie fell asleep at the wheel. He was returning home from the 30-hour famine held in Kipling over the weekend.
Since the accident, the Wilkie family has received an outpouring of condolences from around the area, the province, and even from around Canada and other countries.
A Facebook group in memory of Matt has sprung up, and hundreds of condolences have flooded in, while in Rocanville people were swift to take action in his memory. In honor of Matt’s great love of soccer, on the day of his accident a number of people felt-penned messages to Matt on the Rocanville soccer field’s goal posts, and laid flowers at their base.
The following Monday, a large group of youth from Rocanville and a number of surrounding communities gathered on the soccer field to set off fireworks and to spend the evening remembering Matt.
Friends, family say Matt Wilkie made an impact on everyone he knew
Wilkie grew up in Rocanville and moved to Moosomin in March, where he worked in the service department at L.H. Bradley and Son, and at Fas Gas.
Those who knew him best all paint the same picture of him—a passionate young man who was at ease with himself, who naturally cared for others, and who was deeply connected to his friends, family and faith.
“He was fun loving, high energy, and to a certain extent, easy going. He wore his heart on his sleeve,” says his father Bob Wilkie.
“He was very, very compassionate. He loved life, he loved his friends, and he loved his family.”
Matt was well-known in the community of Rocanville, and began working when he was around 14 years old. Many people knew him from his days serving customers at Borderland Co-op. He also embraced the local soccer community with a passion, was active with the Rocanville Pentecostal Church, and loved giving to charity.
A boy with a “a sense of humor beyond belief” according to his mother Norma, Matt was a proud person who loved to work hard, the type of boy who looked out for his little sister, and who saved his own money as a teen so that he could pay for his own school trip to Europe.
When he began to work in the service department at Bradley’s, indulging his love for mechanics, he was happy to be doing just one more thing that he loved.
Moving to Moosomin, his parents say he began to experience his very first tastes of true independence as a young man.
“I’ve been telling my family, he almost achieved everything he wanted to in life,” says Bob.
Both of Matt’s parents say that he was right where he wanted to be when he attended the 30-hour famine in Kipling.
“It was: a) work, b) girlfriend, or c) charity work,” says Bob. “The 30-hour famine—he always went to that . . . He was going to charity things like that all the time.”
The 30-hour famine started on Friday, April 16, however Matt had to work that day, and couldn’t attend until after work. But that didn’t stop him from taking part in the famine.
“The guys at work were kidding him because they knew he was fasting at work,” says Norma. “It shows his commitment to that, even though he wasn’t at the famine itself until later on. He wasn’t afraid to let these people know what he was doing.
“If he couldn’t be involved physically (in an event) because of work, his heart and mind were always there, and he would do whatever he could. And as soon as he was off work, he would go and participate in it.”
That’s just what Matt did during the weekend of the famine.
“In our mind, Matthew passed away doing exactly what he wanted to do,” says Bob. “He was coming from exactly what he loved to do. There is no one to blame. It’s a horrible, horrible way to go, but he was coming from something he loved to do.”
Both of Matt’s parents say they noticed that caring for others came naturally to their son.
“He would give the shirt off of his back to anyone who needed it,” says Norma.
“I think no matter what kind of day he was having—and when he was a young teenage boy, he had his good and bad days—he always seemed to be able to make people have a better day than he was having.”
“He’d be there to always brighten someone’s day,” says Bob.
“On his bad days, he could make the person next to him smile no matter how his day was going,” says Norma. “He always looked out for others and wanted others to be happier than he was.
“People say it always comes back to the parents and the way we raised him, but it was more than just us. It was his soul, his spirit and his faith. His faith brought him comfort and I think that’s what allowed him to be the way he was. His faith is what touched a lot of people and has helped him touch a lot of people.
"But he’s received a promotion, and now he’s gone on to do work elsewhere.”
No one can seem to talk about Matt without talking about his love of soccer, and his parents are no exception. As a young teen, before he’d settled on mechanics for a living, Matt often told his parents that he was planning to become a professional soccer player.
After playing soccer himself, at age 20 he was a dedicated soccer coach to the young players in Rocanville.
“He was very dedicated to his soccer,” says Norma. “If he wasn’t playing, he was coaching or cheering on his team.
“Everyone who knew him also knew how many soccer balls or pairs of soccer shoes he had,” she says with a laugh.
“He was high energy, he was full out. He lived his life to the fullest and he couldn’t have done a parent prouder at this point in time.”
“The last years of his life, he was like a flower that was blossoming,” says Bob, “and it was a total tragedy that someone like this was robbed from our family and our community and surrounding communities.”
Rev. Polly Marks-Torrance, the pastor at Rocanville Pentecostal Church, cannot say enough about Matt’s willingness to help out.
She is quick to give an example of Matt and his friend Jared shovelling the church’s walk right down to the gravel this winter, and says that that was typical of Matt.
“He was always willing to help,” she says. “He was always kind, helping everyone in the church, carrying stuff to the basement for the older people. He ran the Power Point every Sunday that he was here.
“He never expected a penny for anything he did. He was very generous right to the heart. You tried to pay him and he wouldn’t take the money.
“He loved his family. He was thankful that his father was such a man of integrity, and he wanted to be like him.
“He had a sense of the spirit, and he really felt that if he missed the mark with God or with people, he grieved over that and made things right. He’d really become a student of the Bible.”
Marks-Torrance says that Matt was part of the senior youth group at the church, acting as a youth leader in their church community.
He was also a leader at Springside summer camp near Yorkton, and she says that after working during the week, he’d be eager to get work done at the camp on weekends.
“He would go all weekend and work at the camp. He’d paint things up and gather garbage, and clean out the cabins, and things like that before the next group came in. He did it all.
“He was human and he was determined to be the best person he could, and he served God and he served man.”
Marks-Torrance says that Matt was always involved in the 30-hour famine, and last year, he raised more than anyone else for the event. This year, he asked her husband to bring him more pledge sheets to Moosomin so that he could collect pledges at work.
Matt also threw himself into helping out with a local Christian music group that met once a month in Whitewood.
Marks-Torrance says his loss was profoundly felt in the church, and the Sunday service the day after the accident was held entirely in memory of Matt, with a slideshow of photos of Matt.
“Sunday morning in church, everyone was just holding everyone else and sobbing on their shoulders,” she says.
Three of Matt’s friends were in vehicles directly behind Matt when the accident happened. They witnessed the accident and were the first on the scene. Marks-Torrance says the church pulled together to pray for and comfort them.
“The thing I noticed was how much love there is in these people,” she says of her church community. “They were totally joined, totally loving, and Matthew’s death will not be in vain for many reasons.”
Marks-Torrance goes out of her way to point out that the RCMP constable who handled the accident did an amazing job. “He was so gracious, so forthright and so caring,” she says. “We couldn’t have had anyone better. He was absolutely gracious beyond degree. We and the family have nothing but good to say about the RCMP.”
She says it is difficult being a pastor at times of tragedy.
“I’ve been 40 years in the ministry,” she says, “and it never gets easier. I know some ministers who harden themselves as part of the job, but if you really, really love people, that can’t be done. You take a deep breath, and you pray to God to be the most you can be to this family.”
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Faith King-Bachman says that Matt was a staple in her household in Rocanville. “He was like a brother to my kids, and he’s best friends to my one son,” she says.
“Matt, he did everything 110 per cent. Whatever he was passionate about, he gave 110 per cent. He was a giver and we knew we could count on him any time. He was that type of person.
“He was the real deal. We never had to wonder what we were seeing with Matt, because he showed everything, even his flaws, but there weren’t very many of those.
“He was an awesome guy. We’re going to miss him. You can’t replace a hole like that because it’s so massive.”
She says that her children and Matt’s other friends have been cherishing his memory since the accident.
Aside from signing the soccer goal posts and the fireworks, on the night that everyone gathered on the soccer field, Red Bulls were passed around in Matt’s honor.
“They all drank a Red Bull for Wilkie,” she says with a laugh. “That was his drink. They brought cases of it and made sure that everyone had some.”
King-Bachman says that, even though he was only 20, Matt was someone who has made a lasting impression on her life.
“He was just everything you would want to be,” she says. “I would say that he changed my perspective on life. I want to be a better person. When someone 20 years old makes that type of impression on everyone around you, you wonder if you are doing the same thing.”
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Brittany Pederson says she has known Matt for as long as she can remember. They played together as children, and Matt remained best friends with her brother Jared.
“He was just funny, the kind of guy everyone can go and talk to,” she says.
“He was pretty much like everyone’s brother—you loved him but he made you mad sometimes and you’d want to ream him out,” she says with a laugh.
“He was very passionate about everything.”
She says it came as no surprise to her that Matt’s family has received a large outpouring of support.
“I think it’s amazing, but I wouldn’t have expected anything less,” she says. “After the accident happened, I sat there and considered just how many people I’d have to tell, and it was just crazy because he knew so many people.
“He’s got friends everywhere—all over Saskatchewan. And he has a bunch in Manitoba, Alberta and B.C. Wherever he went he made friends.
“I think it was the passion that he had. He was extremely happy, and when he went into a friendship, you were his best friend, not just second place. You could talk to him about anything, and he’d drive two hours just to see you. No one was ever left out with him.
“He always liked to have fun. You couldn’t hang out with him and not have fun.”
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Jared Bachman is one of Matt’s closest friends. He began hanging out with Matt around the age of 12 when they both discovered a passion for soccer.
“He could make anybody laugh, and he got along with everyone and he listened to everyone,” says Bachman. “He was mature when he needed to be mature, and he knew how to have fun when it was time to have fun. He made things fun even when it wasn’t going to be a fun day.
“Lots of people will miss him. When he moved to Moosomin, the town got so quiet and dead, it was unbelievable.”
Bachman says Matt would have liked seeing his friends’ memorial tributes to him on the soccer field.
“I think it’s what he would have wanted. I think he would have been excited,” he says.
He says he will miss Matt most every time he goes to the soccer field.
“We used to go there every day and practice all the time,” he says. “Rain, snow, sleet, or whatever. We went all year round.”
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The Monday after the accident, Janice Walker, who works at LH Bradley and Son, said they were feeling the loss.
“He was very thoughtful, and always had a smile on his face, and he wanted to help out wherever he could.
“There’s going to be a big hole here,” she says.
“It has affected a lot of us today. Everywhere I look today, his signature is on something.
• 
Cheryl Fehr was planning another soccer season in Rocanville with Matt coaching by her side.
“We were very close with his family. He was like a son to us,” says Fehr.
“He was very passionate for the soccer game. He was always encouraging the kids. He helped me last year with the coaching, and showing the kids and letting them know where they could improve.
“We had a no swearing policy on the soccer field, and when he or I swore, we did our 50 pushups just to prove that if we made a mistake, we’d do it too, and if anyone else was caught he’d make them drop and do it.
He would have been helping again this year.
“He was just always there. If you needed him for something, he’d be there. On the May long weekend coming up, if we’d asked him to tin our roof, he’d be there, because the boys would be home and they’d get to hang together.”
Fehr says Matt was one of those people who was always surrounded by a group of kids.
"New Year’s morning we’d always have waffles either at our house or at their house, and he’d always bring a whackload of kids over,” she says. “We’d feed them all and then us adults would sit down and eat. It was the best way to start the year.”
Fehr says that after the accident, she noticed there was always a different group of kids passing by the Wilkie home. She encouraged the kids to honor Matt’s memory on the soccer field.
“That Saturday afternoon some of the boys were sitting on the deck and they looked so lost. So I went and got flowers. I gave them the flowers and I set up a little vase. I started, and then I had each one of them say something and place the flower in the vase.”
It was then that the group decided to start writing messages to Matt on the soccer goal posts, and Fehr says she encouraged it.
“He touched a lot of kids,” she says.
“There’s going to be a gap. There’s going to be something missing. And it’s always going to be missing.
“When I talked to the kids that he played soccer with at the school, we weren’t sure if we were going ahead with soccer this year, but they all agreed that their age group is going to go ahead, and in honor of him we’ll be playing.
“I know that when we’re out there, he will be our wind for running, because he never walked, he always ran. And he’ll be out there whispering that we can do it, and encouraging us big time.”
After losing herself in tears for a moment, Fehr adds one last thought.
“If you ever met Matthew,” she says, “he would shake your hand, smile, and ask you how you are doing. And in just the smile and the handshake and the asking, you would probably give him your life story. Because his smile would melt you. And you would have his full attention, because he would listen.”
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Matt’s parents, Bob and Norma, say that the outpouring of sympathy in the wake of their son’s death has helped them cope with losing their son.
“There is so much passion coming from across the region, the province and even from around the globe,” says Bob.
“He’s touched that many people just by being himself,” says Norma.
“From what we’re hearing from the community, he’s touched an awful lot of lives,” says Bob. “People say they miss his smile, they miss his eyes . . . He’d come waltzing in and just brighten up someone’s day, even if you were having a bad day.”
The Wilkies say they are touched and comforted by the way that people have honored Matt since his passing. They were surprised to see so many people out on the soccer field the night of the fireworks. One couple who lived near the soccer field told them that they had been watching Matt kick the ball on the soccer field in the evenings for years. On the night of the fireworks, they told the Wilkies that they simply turned off all their lights and sat on their deck in the dark enjoying the light show in memory of Matt.
Bob jokes that, as the town foreman, he should be washing the felt pen off of the soccer goal posts, but he knows Matt would have been proud of his friends.
“He’ll be looking down from above,” he says, “and he’s proud of that.”
“Something like that just goes to show you the kind of impact he has had,” says Norma. “These kids have been honoring Matthew since he passed away.
“They are another rock for us, for the family,” says Bob. “We’ve been counting on them just as much as they have been counting on us.
“He (Matt) had his family at work, he had his family at home, and he knew he was loved all over.”
The Wilkies moved to Rocanville when Matt was only six months old. Last week they said they were eager for the rest of their family to arrive in the community.
“We cannot wait for our family to get here so they get to see this side of Matt and see how big of an impact he’s had on everybody,” says Norma.
Bob says knowing how people felt about his son makes the pain of his loss more bearable.
“You have two minutes of absolute agony, and then someone comes to the door, and as you talk things out, it gets a little better and a little better. And then you have some more agony, but then you get a phone call.”
“As difficult as it will be, we’re going to get through it,” says Norma. “We take great faith and comfort in knowing Matt’s work was done here, and now he has to move on, and he is in a better place.
“What more can we do?
“The comfort we’re getting and the pride we’re feeling in our son is unbelievable, and that’s what will get us through. That’s what will sustain us.”